Lucy looked at herself in the mirror and grunted her disapproval. She knew she was gorgeous. She was adored by everyone. Her facebook page was up to 563 friends and counting, but she now had her Puppy Tweet. Twitter was next on her list to conquer. Still, she wasn't feeling quite like her normal, stunning self. She could use a trim, and her nails! (GASP!) She couldn't even look at them! They were a disgrace to her breed! She needed a trip to the spa ASAP!
She rolled around on the carpet until her hair stood up on end, took a deep breath and rolled around in the dirty clothes on the floor and decided she still needed one more thing to complete her plan. She looked at her paws and realized that one of her precious nails needed to be broken. She closed her eyes and chomped on the tiny one just enough to make it sharp, but not enough to cause major, unfixable damage.
She took another look in the mirror...perfect!
She dropped her head, put on her puppy eyes and dramatically walked into the living room. She sat on Jose's lap and gave a pathetic sigh.
"Lucy! Oh, my poor baby! You look sad. Do you want Daddy to give you belly kisses?" Jose crooned over her then picked her up to snuggle. As he lifted her to him, she strategically grazed her jagged nail on his arm being careful not to cut him, but just enough for a light scratch to make her much needed manicure noticeable.
"Ouch! Someones got a broken nail. Let me see...oh my! Your nails are positively terrible, and my darling, you smell like a gym bag. You're going to the groomers immediately!"
Hehehehehe. Her plan worked perfectly.
"Lucy, the first appointment they have is at 3, so Ethel will take you. I wish I could bring you, but Daddy has his Drag Queen Samba class to teach. Don't worry, you'll be in good hands. Ethel may be a little out there, but she has a good head on her shoulders."
Right before her appointment Lucy did her best to fix her fur and ripped open a box of dryer sheets to roll around in to hide the smell of dirty laundry. She waited patiently by the door for Ethel to arrive and bring her for her spa day. When she finally arrived, Lucy noticed that Ethel was dressed somewhat low-key in her hot pink track suit that she had bedazzled and silver 4" glittery heels. Oooooo! Sparkly!! Lucy likey!!
When they got the groomer Lucy ran to the back and picked her favorite bath area, climbed in and waited for the pampering to begin. Yay!! Pretty fur! Pretty nails! She hoped her Daddy had chosen a great perfume for her and a pretty nail polish. She was partial to Cherry Bomb red nails and CoCo Chanel perfume.
"Bye Lucy! Have fun! I'll be back soon. I think I'm going to get my hair and nails done too. We're going to look so cute!" Ethel called as she blew kisses and flittered out the door.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Lucy thought to herself. She loved Ethel but that chic was cutting in on her relaxation time.
Wait.
Did she say "We"? "We're going to look so cute"? Oh well, must be her new hairstyle she's getting. Maybe she picked out a cute bow for Lucy to wear too that matched Ethel's hot pink track suit.
A few hours later Lucy was bathed, polished, coiffed, and spritzed. Daddy had sprung for something new this time. She must have really laid it on thick this morning. Maybe it was a deep conditioning treatment? She got to sit all wrapped up in a special coat under a warm dryer for it. She looked down at her nails and noticed they were a bazaar shade of green, but they had sparkles on them, so she didn't mind.
She proudly pranced to the reception desk to meet Ethel and smiled as everyone told her how beautiful and adorable she was. She even posed for pictures from other pet owners. She knew she looked cute, but that deep conditioning treatment must've REALLY made a difference. The attention level was up at least 60%.
She saw Ethel and was a bit confused. She looked rather eccentric and almost Egyptian-like. She'd traded in her long red hair for a blunt, jet-black shoulder length cut and extreme bangs. Her makeup was black eyeliner that winged out at the sides and bright red lipstick. Her eyeshadow was a sky blue. The stranger part was her outfit. She was wearing something that looked like a sheet wrapped tightly around her body with a gold belt and gold high heeled flip flops.
"Come here little tiger! You look so beautiful!" Ethel screamed in delight.
Tiger? That froot loop had her confused with her cat AGAIN.
Ugh.
Moments later they had arrived back at the dance studio. Lucy perked up her ears to show off to Daddy, Cher and Gladys. "Ta Da!" Ethel announced as they walked inside.
Silence.
"Hello??? Don't we look cute??!" she asked.
Jose and Cher stared with open mouths. Gladys reached for the Nicorette and popped an entire sheet in her mouth. Lucy was starting to worry. Everyone had loved her at the groomers! Was it the nail polish? Did she not smell pretty? It wasn't CoCo Chanel. Instead it was some kind of musk.
"What did you do???!!!!!" Jose asked.
"She's the Jewel of the Nile! Look at her nails! Aren't they fabulous?" Ethel squealed.
"Ethel? You turned Lucy...a chihuahua...into a TIGER!!!!!!"
Tiger? Tiger! TIGER!!!!!!!
Lucy jumped out of Ethel's arms and ran into the ballroom to look in the mirrors.
Oh. My. Papi.
That was no conditioning treatment. She'd been cut and dyed and now had no ear fluff. Her beautiful black and brown fur was now orange and black tiger striped! She'd been turned into a cat. A friggin CAT! She tried to calm herself unsuccessfully. Maybe if she tried hard enough she could pull this off? She attempted to roar but all the came out was something that sounded like a howl coming from a dying chicken.
She walked back into the main room and found Ethel's sparkly tap shoes. She debated. She really wanted to chew them up, but if she did she'd not only be choking up glitter but pooping it out for months.
Hmmmmmmm...
"Lucy!! NOOOOOOOOO!!" Ethel screamed as Lucy proudly pooped like the royal Jewel of the Nile that she was. Glittery dogs poop on glittery items.
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