For the love of GOD someone give me a BREADSTICK!

So I decided to give up starches for Lent. Not carbs. Starches. There's no way in hell I would survive carb-free. And I would DEFINITELY end up in jail. So here I am...day 6...and I might hold up the Domino's next door for some cheesy bread. Or tackle the delivery driver as he unknowingly carries pizza to his car for delivery. This is serious, my friends. If I see a Tasty Cake truck or a Frito Lay man, things could get messy. I might tackle the driver and just smell all the delicious, greasy goodness that lingers about! Next thing you know I'll be covered in Cheese Doodle dust cowering in the corner. I keep telling myself that my Grandmother gave us smoking every year, I can give up starches. Hell, Jesus was nailed to a cross for 40 days. Starches should be easy. UGH!!!! This is killing me! I'm so WEAK!!!!

You might be a Mobster...

Ok, so NORMALLY the dynamic of our office is this: Shawn is the daytime bail agent and I am the receptionist. If for some reason Shawn is not available to write the bail, then the responsibility falls onto me. It's kind of like being 1st Runner Up in a pageant. If for some reason the winner cannot perform their duties the 1st Runner Up will assume the responsibility. Anyway, so Shawn was out of the office collecting someone who missed court, therefore it was my job to field the bail calls and such. So I walk into the office and our office manager gives me a call sheet from someone who had called earlier before I got to work. She said she hadn't made any calls on it as of yet, but the defendant gave us his mother's and his sister's phone numbers. His sister was a teacher and was at work, so I wouldn't be able to speak directly with her until her lunch break, but if I call and leave a message she will call me back. Well, since the guy had charges in 2 different counties I decided to Google him and see if any information popped up. Sure enough! As soon as a hit the "Search" button the screen was flooded with information. Not about him, but about his father who he was named after. His father who was apparently a rather well known member of the Gambino Crime Family. His father who was killed by Sammy The Bull and they never found his body. HOLY CRAP! So as I speak with the defendant, I don't tell him that I know any of this, but he tells me he owns his own company. A concrete company. (YIKES!!!) So I call his mother to see if she's willing to do the paperwork and such. Mind you, the defendant also told me that his mother is an author and writing a screen play...which was verified by Google. Mom starts talking to me, and tells me that her son is a good guy and he got messed up when he met his wife. "How can you expect to meet a nice girl in a strip club! She's Brazilian and only married him for a Green Card! They're separated now...how old are you? Are you single? You seem like a nice girl! My son...he's very shy...you tell him he needs to take you out for a nice meal! I want you to be my daughter-in-law..." HOLY CRAP! Next thing I know, my cell phone goes off. It's the sister returning my call. Now I'm freaked out. How did she get my cell phone number? I called her from the office? OMG! Am I being followed? Then the mom calls me back on my cell phone. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?? IS THAT A SNIPER ACROSS THE STREET ON THE BUILDING ROOF? Apparently, when I left the voicemail for his sister, I left my cell number instead of my office number. DUH! So anyway, I get the paperwork done and tell everyone that I just need the payment and I will go bail him out. Everyone is confused because the payment was already made. Not to me it wasn't. Little did we know, the cousin had been working with a different company who ultimately did the bail. Ok, fine. No big deal. Well midnight rolls around and my phone rings. (I'm NOT answering my phone at midnight...a number I don't know...on my weekend off.) Then it rings again. Now I'm just pissed. So I answer it with attitude. Hello!!!??? WHAT? WHO IS THIS? Its Mr. Mafia! His mother gave him my cell phone number to have him call me! Meanwhile, my email is blowing up with his mother emailing me telling me to tell him he needs to take me out to dinner! So I'm on the phone with him for an hour,(I don't know why) and he calls me AGAIN in the morning! NO. Not answering it. My co-workers want me to take one for the team because this relationship could be great for business. Me? I'm running!